Lex Luthor’s Mail

Years ago, I had a had a second phone line in my home office for data and faxes. Remember faxes?

I didn’t want anybody calling in to that line. I also didn’t want to pay the extra for an unlisted number. Fortunately, there’s an alternative. The phone company doesn’t advertise this fact, but you can get a phone in another name. Any name.

So I chose the name of Lex Luthor, Superman’s arch-nemesis.

It didn’t take long for the name to show up on mailing lists. Lots of them. So I started to save up a few direct mail pitches, gaining a glimpse into the criminal mastermind market.

Click on the images for a full-size view.

Somehow Lex doesn’t seem like a DirectTV kind of guy. Do you think that a guy who tried to nuke California into the Pacific would have scruples about stealing cable?

Quite a few long distance companies want Luthor’s business. He probably spends a lot of time on the phone keeping in touch with henchmen.

They offered him modest sums of money. An old school villain scoffs at such trifles.

They tempted him with a free pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream every month for a year! Not even Cherries Garcia distracts Luthor from his mission of malevolence and mayhem. The “helping to build a better world” pitch is all wrong too.

Credit card companies think Luthor is a good risk. Honor among thieves, I guess.

Even evil geniuses have trouble figuring out the new Medicare Part D drug plan. Talk about devious!

What would people think about a global menace shopping at their nice suburban supermarket? Even nefarious criminals need to buy toilet paper and laundry detergent.

That could be him pushing the cart with the sticky wheel, clipping coupons, squinting to read expiration dates. He doesn’t look so evil in person.


Leave a Reply